How To Fight Fair In A Relationship

8 rules for "healthy" fighting.
We know that disagreements are bound to crop up at one time or another in any relationship. Fights happen, and they're normal -- what really matters is how you handle these arguments. The key, say experts, is to fight effectively (as opposed to destructively). When couples resolve conflicts in this healthy way, they can actually strengthen their marriage. So don't be afraid to iron out your differences. Here are eight all-important rules for fighting right:

1. Pick the right time and place

Don't encourage an argument if you know you won't have time to see it through. If you can't guarantee being uninterrupted for at least half an hour, you won't be in the right frame of mind for rational discussion.

2. Talk and listen calmly

Raising your voice and cutting each other off won't get you anywhere. Keep your anger under control and hear each other out -- wait until your partner finishes then state your point of view. If things get really heated, call for a time-out and return to the argument when you're feeling less emotional.

3. Don't resort to name calling or character assassination

We've all said things in the heat of the moment that we don't actually mean. Trouble is, those words can't be taken back no matter how much you try to redress the balance. Choose your words carefully.

4. Use "I" statements

State your feelings using "I" statements ("I feel...", "I think..." etc.) rather than accusatory "you" statements ("You never listen to me!"). Pointing the finger will only encourage your partner to react in a defensive manner.

5. Stick to the topic

Don't bring up irrelevant problems to score points against your partner. It won't solve the original problem and it's likely to bring up new issues which will fuel future fights.

6. Try to see things from both perspectives

You're a partnership -- recognize that, make the effort to see where your partner is coming from and look for middle ground.

7. Maintain your closeness

Don't spend your time at opposite ends of the room during fights. Sit close together and make eye contact. This will keep your interactions more positive and help defuse the situation.

8. Don't aim to win the fight; aim to win the relationship

At the end of the day, fighting fair is about communicating, compromising and making peace. If it turns out that you're the one who's technically in the "wrong", own up to it and apologize; if it's your partner who's made a mistake, be willing to forgive and move on.








Home Contact Us Terms of Use


© 2022 LoveColumnist.com